Long Way to Happy
by Carlisle'sCoven
Summary: PREQUAL TO BROKEN i advise you read Broken first. but this is what tommy and adams lives were like before they met eachother. Please read and review! xD Adam and Tommy Adommy!
1. Mad World

****DISCLAIMER****

**Me: **Okay first off, if you haven't already read the first story to this title BROKEN, then you better get your a$$ of this story and go read that one first, just cuz my disclaimers are gonna have BROKEN spoilers in them. _(waits for the others to leave)_ Now I can begin! So welcome back my wonderful readers! I hope you all enjoy this prequal as much as BROKEN!

**Tommy:** _(mumbling)_ I don't even know why you are even writtin this one. . .I died in the other one.

**Adam:** But this one takes place before the other one, remember?

**Tommy: **So, . . . they know what happened before the other one! I fucked around with drugs and you got picked on. _(points to Adam)._

**Me: **True, but this is going to go into detail.

**Adam:** See, that makes sense.

**Tommy:** But i DIED! You can't write another one, it make any sense at all!

**Me: **Tommy, It's a prequal! Meaning you're not dead yet! It's not a sequal. There's a difference.

**Tommy: **_(glares at me) _I know. . .

**Adam: **Then quit throwing a hissy fit ya pussy.

**Me: **_(laughs cause Adam just called Tommy a pussy) _Come on Tommy, just read it, please. . .

**Tommy:** _(shakes head)_ Nope. I refuse.

**Me:** _(frowns)_

**Adam:**_ (to me)_ We'll just read it to him.

**Me:** Okay! _(to readers)_ Y'all know I don't own Adam or Tommy, and please leave me a review! You all did so well last time! ENJOY!

* * *

><p>*CHAPTER ONE*<p>

"In my head I want to drown my sorrow  
>No tomorrow<br>No tomorrow"

-Mad World

The warm, night air was thick and muggy; annything but confortable. My head was pounding, and my eyes were puffy and swollen from the tears. I tried to zone out and forget, but everytime I closed my eyes the only thing I saw was red. Blood red. It was a color I once found appealing, but now all it did was fill my mind with haunted memories. There weren't even enough words to properly describe the emotions I was feeling. I wanted it all to be a nightmare- brought on by the car accedent, but it was too vivid to be so.

Was I close to my father? Not particularly, no. He was too much like myself; bad tempered and pesimistic. But those two traits weren't, nor would they ever bee enough for me to want this to happen. Although after thinking about it, I wasn't sure why I was all that surprised.

My fathers depression was a side affect from his medication the doctors had prescribed him for managing his violent mood swings. But it had gotten to the point where the depression was overtaking his jumbled mind completely. The pills were only supposed to subdue his rants and rages. Now he was dead, by his own hand even.

The small part of me that morned him was almost nonexistent compared to the growing hatered I had gr him. I would miss him, but he left us abandoned, and it hurt to think about it.

I sat alone on the steps of my porch watching the flashing blue abd red lights on the police car parked at the curb. There was an ambulance too; parked infront of the cop car. I found it pointless to call an ambulance for a dead man. Surly there was someone else, somewhere who was still breathing and need it more than dead father.

The bright flickering lights had drawn a crowd, which was gather on side walk outside my house. I ignored them all. Nosey mother fucker's. They needed to keep their filthy noses out of my business. It seemed like each one of them called my name once, trying to get me to tell them what the he'll was going on.

Fuck, I didn't even know, not really. how could I have known what wad going through my fathers head other then a bullet. There was never any warning or clue that lead up to his suicide. It just happened.

I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them close. If I dwelled on the present to much I felt sick and broken. It didn't help that the neighbors were staring at me or the the fact that my mother hadn't left my fathers side since I told her. I couldn't bring myself to go any farther than the porch though. The images in my head were still too vivid to seet foot inside the old house.

"Tommy?"

I knew that voice; it was deep and gruff, but still kind. I looked up to see the only person who I would even think about talking to in a time like this one.

Monte Pittman.

He pushed through the crowd until he was kneeling in front of me.

"Hey." I said weakly. "What are you doing here?"

I didn't remember calling him, and I knew my mother didn't, she was too upset to even think straight.

"I was on my way home, and I saw the flashing lights." he explain. "Whats going on man?"

I swallowed, fighting back tears. "My dad shot himself." I said flatly.

Monte's focus fell to the pathway benieth his feet. There couldn't have been a worse feeling than the one that came from finding out that your best friend's dad took his own life.

"You don't have to say anything." I told him, hoping to ease the sudden tention. "He was sick." I added.

Behind me, the two EMTs that went inside with the police officer, came out with my fathers lifeless body on a stretcher, covered by a plain white sheet. I felt sick again. My mother, accompanied by the officer came from the house next. Never had I seen my mother in such a state as what she was in now. Her face was dirty with tears and smeared makeup, along with dried blood on her hands and clothes.

Monte and I watched silently as both my mother and my father where loaded into seperate emergency vehicals. The officer helped my mother into her seat, then came over to the two of us.

"Are you Mrs. Ratliff's son?" asked.

I nodded.

"Your mother has to go fill out some forms at the hospital. I can take you with me, or you may stay here."

"I will take him home with me." Monte said before I could answer.

"And who are you?" the police man asked.

"Monte Pittman sir." he said. "Tommy's my best friend."

The man thought moment. "Okay." he paused and just before he turned away, his dark eyes met mine. "I'm sorry about your father."

I gave him a slight smile to show my appreaiation, then he walked away. That was the last time I smiled.

After the comotion had died down, and the air was silent, Monte stood up.

"Come on." he said quietly, holding out his hand.

I took it and got to my feet. My legs felt like jello, and my stomach was still queezy. The air around me seemed hazy, but it was probably just me. My coherency was slipping away slowly. I was tired, hot, angry, sad, hurt, and broken. I had run out of tears hours ago and now i was just numb from all the feelings. A bus could run me over right now and I wouldn't even fucking care. My father sure as hell didn't care what happened to us to stay alive. He was weak. But my mother was so much weaker when it came to him. As an individual, she was as strong as any number of men, but she loved my father so much, that it sofened her. My mother and I had always had a strong relation ship, and it killed me seeing her being loaded into the police car.

With a heavy sigh I emptied my mind of those inane thoughts. The only thing they brought was more sadness.

Monte helped me into his families white pick up truck and as he drove away from the empty house, all I could do was think how much I hated my father.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: okay i know that is a whole lot shorter then what you are used to, but the first few chapters are kinda that way, they will get longer i swear. So yeah leave me a review and/or hit me up on Twitter and let me know what you thought. (reviews make me smile the most! xD) love you guys!**

****Next Chapter is in Adams POV so stay tuned!****


	2. If You Only Knew

*****DISCLAIMER*****

**Me & Adam: **_(talking quietly, until Tommy walks in with ear muffs on; we laugh)_

**Adam: **_(smiling)_ Tommy. What the fuck is with the ear muffs?

**Tommy: **_(sits down and takes them off with a smart ass expression on his face) _Now I can't hear you when you try and read it to me.

**Me:** You realize it's two against one right? If we want the ear muffs, we can take them.

**Tommy: **_(eyes narrow) _You wouldn't dare. . .

**Adam: **_(devilishly smirks and moves his face exptreamly close to Tommy's) _Oh but I would. _(Pushes Tommy onto his back.)_

**Me: **_(trying to control my fan girl-ish flailing because Adam is legit staddling Tommy.)_

**Tommy: **_(Tries pushing Adam away) _Get. . . . ugh. . . .get off me!

**Adam: **_(shakes his head) _Nope. Not until you forfit the ear muffs.

**Tommy: **_(shouts dramaticaly)_ NEVER!

**Adam: **_(smirks playfully) _Then we'll have to do this the hard way.

**Tommy: **_(stops fidgeting and stares at Adam.) _. . .what's the hard way?

**Adam: **Oh you'll see. . .

**Me: **_(at this point I'm all hot a bothered cause the sight of Adam ontop of Tommy would make any Glambert/Adommy fan go completely crazy) _. . .So before i die from hormonal overload, please read and leave me a review! And Adam and Tommy don't belong to me. . . but you all know that! xD

* * *

><p><strong>*CHAPTER TWO*<strong>

"If you only knew

I'm hangin by a thread . . ."

- If You Only Knew

There was not enough make up in my moms bathroom to even begin to cover the hideous bruise on my eye. How many times had she told me to stay out of her cosmetics? I couldn't remember. Only this time I didn't just want to mess around with it for fun. I had desperately been hoping that the bruise wouldn't be quite as bad as it was, that way I could come up with some excuse. But the blue, black and purple made it hard to think of something good enough. After all, you can only trip so many times, and hardly ever would the resulting injury be a black eye.

The little bits of foundation and cover-up I found was not a perfect match to match my pale complexion, but it would suffice. My mother had been blessed with a natural tanned skin and dark hair. I on the other hand, I was pale, covered in freckles and had red hair. That wasn't the cause of the bruise though.

It was because I was different. In fact, I was so different, there wasn't one other kid in my entire school who was like me. I was gay, not something I should be happy with apparently, but that was who I was. Did my parents know? Not yet. I was waiting for the right time to tell them. Most of the kids at school figured it out on their own, I guess it was obvious.

I did my be best to match the thick past to my skin tone, and once I was done, I placed all my mothers make up back where she kept it. Hopefully she wouldn't notice.

Neil and the rest of my family were already down stairs eating breakfast. The TV in the living room was turned to a news channel and the temperature for the surrounding area was 55*. I sneered at the screen. Indiana weather was like a roller coaster. Up one day, and down the next. I hated it. Maybe if the weather matched the seasons it wouldn't be quite so bad. But it was October, fall weather was 55-60*. Unlike yesterday when it was almost 80. I didn't understand.

I sat in my usual place at the kitchen table with only an apple to eat.

"Good morning Adam." My mother greeted me.

"Morning." I said taking a bite from the fruit.

I watched my brother Neil take a few bites of his toast, until my gaze turned into a blank stare.

"What are you looking at?" Neil snorted.

I blinked out of my day dream. "Oh. . .nothing."

"Are you feeling okay honey?" My mother asked.

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Are you sure?"

"Mom." I said sternly. "I'm fine."

"What's up your butt this morning?" Neil retorted.

I glared at him, and my mother gave him a disapproving look. As much as I loved my family, sometimes I just wanted to be alone. Especially when my parents fought and Neil was grouchy.

The four of us, my dad included, all sat at the table a while longer. My father was too engrossed with his newspaper to speak this morning, which happened more often then not. Honestly I didn't have a clue what was so interesting about reading a paper to a town where nothing ever happened.

"7:30" My mom said sometime later. "Better head for school."

I groaned. "Yeah. Come on Neil."

I threw my half eaten apple in the garbage, and grabbed my keys from the counter. Neil followed me out and got in the passenger seat of my crummy blue Neon.

The ride to school wasn't Nearly long enough to satisfy me. Plus I dreaded those dank halls of students. Nine times out of Ten I was made fun of for being me. I worshiped the days that went by when I got ignored. Although it would have been nice to get positive attention every now and then.

When I parked my car, I could already tell today was going to be a bad one.

He was a tall, brawny senior foot ball player and the very reason I sometimes hated who I was. If I so even acknowledged his existence, he made my life a living hell, and it was even worse if I made eye contact. His name was Steven Daniels. I had known him since kindergarten. He was in first grade at the time, but he used to set at the same table in the cafeteria at lunch as we got older. Granted we were never close, but it wasn't until last hear when I started 'hint' about my sexuality that he decided to bash my face in at least once if not twice a week. If that wasn't bad enough, his girlfriend Elizabeth Conway, used to be my only friend. Of course I knew as Izzy or Iz, but those days seemed like ages ago. Eighth grade was the last time we really spoke to each other.

Now I had no one. There were the kids in the drama department who I talked to, but none of them seemed to click on quite the same level as me. It was like my brain waves were set to a different frequency then everyone else.

My mistake today was meeting Stevens cold eye for a second, and almost instantly the look of pure and utter disgust clouded his eyes. I swallowed hard, shutting off the car. Neil got out with a gruff sound resembling a good bye, while I sat in the drivers seat staring in horror as Steven approached my car. Today was going to be even worse than yesterday.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: okay again im sorry the chapters right now are kinda short, as the story progresses and the plot thickens i swear they will get longer so hang in there. any who, let me know what you thought, i love hearing from you. xD**

****THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! you all are forever gonna be my 'Broken Buddies'! xP**

**~Jackie**


	3. Can't Let You Go

*****DISCLAIMER*****

**Adam: **_(sitting with me agian, proudly tossing Tommy's ear muffs back and forth in his hands.)_

**Tommy: **_(glaring at Adam, pouting like a five year old.)_

**Me: **_(To Adam) _You know, he's really cute when he throws tantrums.

**Tommy: **_(gets up and starts walking away.)_

**Me and Adam: **_(look at eachother confused.)_

**Adam: **_(shouting) _Hey! Where are you going!

**Tommy: **_(shouting back) _Away!

**Me: **_(frowns)_ But you can't just get up and walk out of my disclaimer!

**Tommy: **Sure I can! Watch me!

**Adam: **Tommy! You'd better get your ass back here!

**Tommy: **NO!

**Me: **_(grumbles and folds arms) _. . .Baby. . .

**Adam: **Aww he'll be back. He can't resist us that long.

**Me: **_(Laughs) _So true. . . _(to the readers) _Okay while we wait for Groucho Marks to get back, read on my wonderful Glamberts and GlitterKitties!

* * *

><p>~Chapter Three~<p>

"Wish I could just find a way

To have all your memories erased

Cause constantly they're haunting me"

-Can't Let You Go

Monte's house was in a better part of town, but not nearly as luxurious as others. I didn't even set foot on that part of town cause quite simply it made me feel like shit. Everything was so perfect in those kinds of neighborhoods that it made me sick. In my opinion they were too wealthy for their own good.

His home though was simple, but extravagant in its own little ways. Sure it was no million dollar mansion with a swimming pool and too many bathrooms. It was just a home, quaint and quite; nestled in suburbia. That was what I loved about it the most about it. The sidewalks weren't nearly in as bad shape as mine, but they weren't perfect. Only a few of the houses stood empty, while the others had children playing happily out front. That was something you never seen where I lived. People were starting to fear for their safety where I lived.

Monte pulled into the driveway, and shut off the engine. We sat silently in the dark vehicle for a few moments, until, with a sigh, he got out. I was too numb to move right away and he had to come help me out. Slowly I was regaining my senses so he didn't have to put to much effort into the deed. My sluggish feet followed Monte into his house and we weren't in the door longer then five seconds when his little sister came running around the cornner.

She was smiling ear to ear, and wrapped her tiny arms around my weak legs; almost causing me to fall.

Chloe was eight years old, with dark hair and shining eyes. I remember when she was born; I was the same age as her then. God that seemed like so long ago; and for some reason she attached herself to me. Everytime I came over, she greeted me the same way. I had never really been that big on kids, but Chloe was too adorable to ignore.

"Tommy!" she chirped.

"Hey kiddo." I murmured lifelessly patting her head.

Monte removed her grip from my legs and told her to back to wherever she was playing. I really didn't mind Chloe's presence, in fact I almost smiled seeing her happy face. Her carefree and bubbly persona was something I didn't get very much.

She bounded off without any question, her pig tails swinging behind her, and Monte and I retreated to his room.

Like the rest of his home, his room was simple. I had practically grown up in this room and not once had it changed all that much. Everyday when I was a kid my parents would drop me off while they were at work, for Monte's mom to watch me. Lately though, life's' unsettling schedule had kept us apart. The scenery now was slightly altered from all those years passed. The old wooden trunk Monte used to put his toys in was gone; replaced by a couple of bean bag chairs. In the corner where another pile of toys used to set, was now were new toys were. Two shinning guitars sat untouched in the place of the old toys. The black and white Fender had been a Christmas gift from his family, and the other was a Gibson he bought himself.

Monte went over to the closet on the right side of the room, grabbed a rolled up blue sleeping bag from the top shelf and tossed it my way.

Why he thought that throwing me anything at this moment was a good idea was beyond me. Right now I had the reflexes of a dead cat.

The huge wad of synthetic material hit me in the shoulder, bounced off and knocked two pictures sitting on Monte's desk. The one that stayed on the wooded surface didn't have a scratch on it, while the one that caught the edge of the chair on its way to the floor shattered.

I picked it up, carefully avoiding any form of injury the broken shards my cause. When my eyes landed on the image the frame held, I stopped to stare at it.

We just kids, ten or eleven. Monte and I were both laughing and smiling, carefree on the beach. In the background sat the vast blue waters of the Atlantic Ocean as well as smiling figures of my mother and father. The picture seemed so surreal. Life had been slowly slopping down ward for so long that it almost felt like there had never been a time in my life that was happy.

I sat the picture back down on the desk, and resumed cleaning the broken fragments from the floor; placing them in the waste basket sitting close by.

"I remember that day." Monte said lightly. "Chloe just turned two."

He handed me the sleeping bag.

"That was the last summer things were good. . ." My voice trailed off.

Monte didn't say anything as he threw a couple of pillows from his bed, to the floor for me.

I glanced at the photo again. "Did my dad smile a lot?" I asked unfolding the sleeping bag.

Monte raised an eyebrow. "Don't you remember?"

I shrugged. "Not really. I only remember him being angry and depressed all the time."

The room was silent a moment, then I spoke again. "I wish I could remember."

I knelt down and smoothed the sleeping bag over the floor, and laid down. Laying on his stomach, Monte peeked over the side of the bed and down at me.

"He was gone a lot though." Monte said.

"Even when he was home I don't remember him smiling." I confessed.

I couldn't help but feel bitterness. There was very few times when I felt that my father was actually part of my life. Monte was right, he worked all the time, and when he was home, he was never happy. That picture on Monte's desk was the only hard evidence that my father really did have the ability to smile. Of course now, he couldn't smile at all.

As time stretched farther away from the shock of my fathers little stunt, and the more I thought about it, I realized how much losing him made me hate him.

"Why did he have to do this?" I asked feeling sad and angry tears beginning to well up in my eyes.

"Why would anyone do it?" he shrugged.

I really hated it when he answered a question with another question, it didn't help what-so-ever.

"I don't know." I mumbled, trying to blink the water out of my eyes. "I guess I don't understand. Maybe somehow in that fucked up mind of his, shooting himself seemed like a good idea."

I rolled over on my side, away from Monte; but he still spoke.

"Tommy, your dad was sick. So sick he was beyond help."

"I guess." I sighed tired of dwelling on it any longer. "Look, I'm going to try and sleep this all off."

"I'm here if you need to talk." Monte offered.

"Thank you."

The lights went out and the room was blanketed with dull blues and blacks. School was going to be a bitch tomorrow. If any of this made it into the paper I was screwed. It was bad enough that my stereotype was in between slacker and druggie, when in reality I hadn't touched, let alone seen any form of illegal substance before in my life. Kids were so cruel it discussed me. I knew the second someone asked about my father I would hit them. The last thing I needed was their false pity when I knew they didn't give a flying fuck what happened to me. My father was the same; he didn't give a shit what happened to mom or me enough to stick around.

As that thought sank in, the feelings of abandonment crept back to me. Mom didn't have a job, I didn't have a job, we had no source of income now. Everything was going to be twice as hard and ten times more stressful. My life was falling off the deep end and I didn't even know how to tread the icy waves.

~oOo~

Seven o'clock came too quickly the next morning. At first I was confused as to why I had woken up in Monte's room, until I remembered what had happened. The beeping alarm signaled the beginning of a new day, but I had absolutely no motivation to do anything. My stomach still hadn't settled completely and now my head was pounding.

Monte rolled out of bed and started getting ready while I laid on my back watching the ceiling fan rotate over my head. The movement of the blades were hypnotizing, and before long, Monte was pulling me to my feet.

"I let you lay there as long as possible." he said.

"I don't want to go." I whined.

In all rights, I was allowed a day or two off for the death of a family member, but Monte obliviously didn't think so.

"You have to go, I'm sorry." he said. "Maybe it will get your mind off of everything."

I helped put away the sleeping bag, and as soon as we were ready, we left for school.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay so sorry it took forever to update this... but i got an idea for another multichapter that i had to start...you should check it out. the first chapter is posted, the story is called WHO KNEW i think you guys will like it. anyway...the chapters are gonna starte getting longer soon so YAY! and leave me a review my lovelies! xD**

***Thanks for the reviews last time guys... you all make me smile! xD**

*****also I'm writting a collab fic with Whatsernamelambert, which is posted on her page and is called LOST AND FOUND...that one you guys will love! it's completely opposite of this depressing crap im writting on here haha, no boubt it will make you laugh, at the very least smile...so yeah check it out. xD and don't forget to reveiw that one as well!**

**~Jackie**


	4. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

*****DISCLAIMER*****

**Tommy: **_(walks in with a bucket of black paint)_

**Adam: **_(confused)_ What's that for?

**Tommy: **You'll see _(opens can and paints a long black line across the floor)_

**Me: **Tommy . . .

**Tommy: **No. . . hang on, I'll explain. _(finishes line and puts lid back on paint)_

**Adam: **_(groans and rolls his eyes.)_

**Me: **What?

**Adam: **I know what he's doing. He did the same thing on the tour bus, only he used duct tape instead of paint.

**Tommy: **Thats cause I didn't have any paint!

**Adam: **But you just happened to have a roll of duct tape laying around?

**Tommy: **It comes in handy! . . .Now. . ._(steps onto the oppiste side of the line as me and Adam) _Anyone who is on this side of the line agrees that it is senseless to write a prequal because no matter what happens in this one, I still die. And anyone on your side thinks the oppisite.

**Me: **_(Looks at Adam)_ He did something like this while you were on tour?

**Adam: **_(sighs) _Yep.

**Me: **Wow. . .

**Adam: **Oh yeah. . .

**Me: **_(to the readers)_ While I try to get this sorted out, here is the next chapter to read. I don't own Adam or Tommy.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

_'I walk a lonely road_

_The only one that I have ever known_

_Don't know where it goes_

_But it's home to me and I walk alone"_

_- Boulevard of Broken Dreams_

No one came to my rescue, of course no one usually did. Kids either ignored me, or laughed; most just walked the other direction. That was the worst part, there was no one around who ever wanted to help me when I needed it so badly. I was completely and utterly alone.

The cold damp asphalt scraped the palms of my hands and cheek. The dark pavement was smeared with my blood, which was pouring quite steadily from my nose and split lip. How the hell was I going to explain this to my parents? I couldn't hide this from them. I would just have to think up some other lame excuse like I did every day.

In the distance I heard the screeching sound of the bell, indicating I was late to my first class. _Great._

Slowly I got to my feet, using my car as something sturdy to help balance me out. My head was spinning and the circular motion in which stationary objects appeared to be moving made my stomach uneasy. I stood for a moment, holding my torso until I was certain I wasn't going to get sick, then looked around. There was no one else in the parking lot, just empty cars and myself. Standing there alone I contemplated on whether or not I should just get in my car and drive away. My brain was over processing everything to the point where it was annoying. If I left, I would just be in even worse shit later. But I also knew I couldn't go to class looking beaten and maimed.

When most of my strength had returned, I slung the strap of my book back onto my shoulder, and made my way inside; ignoring the pain that shot up my bruised arm. The halls of my big city -big city being Indianapolis- high school were cram packed with people of all races and cultures, but as far as I knew, I was the only one like me. That thought brought on an even worse feeling than the empty parking lot did. It was a horrible mix of emptiness and neglect. I felt empty because never had I had any relationship where I felt like I belonged somewhere. The neglect was because I felt so alone. Sure I had my family, but you couldn't go through life with just family. A person needed more than that. I wanted friends, people who understood me. Even one person who could look past my sexuality and see me as me would've been nice.

The bathroom at the end of the hall was empty and I was thankful to find it that way. I turned the sink on and looked into the mirror. The red headed boy that was looking back at me made me want to cry. His expression was solemn. The cuts and scrapes on his face left thread like trails of blood on his fair, freckled skin. His split lip was swollen and the makeup he wore to hide his other injuries was fading to reveal an ugly, purple-ish, black bruise. Despite it all, his eyes were his striking feature. They themselves could tell their own story. The pain and confusion was plain to see in the boys eyes, and made I hated it. There was nothing about this boy that made him any different than everyone else, but society's stereotype has tourchered him. He had no friends, he was alone.

I splashed water on my face to remove most of the blood, then looked back to the boy in the mirror. The crimson stains were gone from his broken face, but he still looked beaten in every definition of the word. As for the flesh colored makeup over his eye, it was washed away , leaving the purple bruise.

With a sigh, and one last glance at the boy in the mirror, I went to class.

~oOo~

If things weren't bad enough, my last class of the day was gym. I didn't even want to sign up for the class because I wasn't athletic at all. Plus all the kids made me stand outside the locker room door until they were dressed and gone; which meant I didn't get to leave at three o'clock like everyone else. It wasn't like they had anything to worry about with letting me in the boys locker room, none of them were my type anyway.

"There ya go faggot." one of the boys said leaving the locker room. "It's all yours."

He and the group of his friends snickered and I moved passed them without meeting their evil gaze. Name calling, getting beaten up, those were everyday occurrence. You'd think I'd be used to it, but no one ever got used to bullying.

The locker room was dark and rank from the excessive amount of body odor that had accumulated over the years. The showers worked, but no one dared step foot in one, they looked disease ridden. I changed quickly, avoiding any and all mirrors-I'd had enough of my own pitiful reflection for one day. The bell rang and I finished dressing myself. Neil would complain if I was late getting out. He was never in a good mood after school; of course sometimes I wondered if he was just always in a shitty mood.

"Took you long enough." Neil grumbled getting in the car. "What happened to your face?" he asked looking at me.

"Uh. . .dodge ball in gym class." I lied pulling out of the parking lot.

"Did you play it with bowling balls?" He scoffed.

I controlled myself. "No Neil." I answered calmly

Hardly ever was there a time when we didn't argue about something. Just his presence sometimes irked me, but that was siblings.

"Maybe next time you should try to actually catch the ball, or better yet, sit out. That will make it almost impossible for you to get hurt. Sports aren't exactly your strong points any how. Remember soccer?"

Neils form of conversation always involved pointing out what he was good at and what I wasn't. The small soccer team my parents put me in when I was younger was a disaster. Three broken bones and a slight concussion didn't really make a kid want to play sports that much.

"Yes, now can we stop talking about it?" I huffed trying to get him to drop the subject.

Fortunately the rest of the car ride consisted of nothing but arguing over what radio station to listen to. At least it was better then talking about my face or how awful I was at soccer. I got enough shit from the kids at school, I didn't need it from Neil.

I pulled into the drive and before I even had the car stopped, my idiot brother jumped out. He did it to piss me off because he knew how much I hated it when he did stupid stunts like that. One of these days he would do it and break a bone and then I would be the one laughing.

"Adam learned the heard way not to play dodge ball with your face today in gym." Neil sang as he walked into the house.

"Shut up." I warned, putting my stuff off to the side.

My mother jumped out of her chair and rushed to my aid. "Oh honey, are you alright?"

Her soft fingers touched my face to inspect the injuries.

"Yeah, I'll live." I sighed. If only she knew the real reason behind my scars.

She fussed some more over my split lip and bruised eye before I said anymore.

"I'm just going to get my school work done okay? I'm fine." I told her as I headed for my room.

But I wasn't fine. I had bad habit of keeping my feelings trapped inside, and they slowly ate away at everything until the only thing left would surely be insanity. I would have to tell them before it came to that, because I wasn't sure if there was that much time left until I did go crazy. There was no one at school I could tell, so that left family. Families loved each other unconditionally right? I could only hope that was true. Things had to get better than this. I wasn't even sure what this even was. I wasn't a life, that I was certain of. A life you had to live, and I didn't feel like I was living. I felt like a victim to some messed up plot in a which I had no way out.

I sighed and sat on my bed with my books in hand. Another day was ending and another battle left to fight tomorrow. This poor excuse for a life was getting old and I wanted desperately to rid myself of it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I finally got this updated! Yay! sorry guys it took so long, i was super busy all last month with Prom and graduation, but now i should have some free time to get these stories updated! Leave me a review and let me know what you thought!**


	5. I Hate This Part

****DISCLAIMER****

**Me:** _(sitting on my side of the line, glaring at Tommy)_

**Tommy:** _(sitting on his side of teh line, glairing at me.)_

**Me:** I bet I'll get more of the readers on my side.

**Tommy:**_ (shakes his head) _Mmmm. . .no. . .I bet I get more.

**Me: **But I've got Adam! That has to count for like at least ten people!

**Adam:** Whoa, I'm not on anyones side._ (Walks over to stand on the line.) _I like reading it and I don't think the story is senceless, but I didn't like it that Tommy died!

**Tommy: **But you're obligated to be on my side!

**Adam:** _(raised an eyebrow)_ How am I obligated?

**Tommy:** I'm your bass player!

**Adam:** And that makes you my employee, so I'm that boss, and I say I can be on the line.

**Me:** _(snickers at Tommys defeated expression.)_

**Tommy:** But . . .

**Adam:** No buts about it babe. . .its a fact.

**Tommy:** _(sneers)_ Whatever. I'll still have more people on my side.

**Me:** Keep dreamin' Ratliff.

**Adam:** _(Sighs, rolling his eyes turns to readers)_ Well since those two are in a verbal smack down, I'll finish this up. I'm sure if Jackie wasn't in the middle of this little 'war' she would want you to know that she doesn't own Tommy or I. She would also want you to read and review this chapter. And enjoy it as well.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter five<strong>

_"The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now  
>I know this is the part where the end starts"<em>

_***two weeks later***_

"Mr. Ratliff. This is the forth time you've been sent to my office this week. Would you care to tell me why that is?" Mr. Stevenson, the principle invoked.

I sat in the repugnant, uncomfortable, maroon upholstered chair in front of Mr. Stevensons desk with a smug-I-don't-give-a-flying-fuck expression on my face. Before this week I'd never been SENT to his office, so this seemed to surprise him. Granted I had never been the straight A, student government type, but usually I stayed out of trouble. Although that fact was changing dramatically.

"I haven't done anything." I scoffed, folding my arms.

"Than why are you here?" He questioned.

I rolled my eyes. "Because I really haven't done anything."

I allowed his small mind to process what I meant by that, and once the logic clicked, he scowled. "And why is that Thomas?"

Jesus, I hated being called Thomas. "Because Stevenson, all this shit is pointless." I spat. "Do you really think we are gonna remember anything you people are cramming down our throats when we get out of this fucking place?"

Mr. Stevensons face turned bright red. If there was one thing I knew he hated it was language. I bet the bastard used curse words regularly himself, but if he heard a kid use it once heaven help them. So much for freedom of expression.

"With that kind of attitude, I don't expect you to remember. In fact, I don't expect much out of you at all."

I sneered. What gave him the right to say that?

"Thanks." I said, just to a smart ass.

I could tell by the strained visage on his face, he was having one hell of a time deciding what to do with me. The last four days of school I spent sleeping, and to be honest it was only because I wasn't sleeping at night. My dream, or what dreams I used to have, had become hideous nightmare. Although when it came down to it, I really didn't give a fuck anymore now that my life was a living hell.

"I think the best punishment for that attitude is a full weeks suspension." the principle finally decided.

I laughed humorlessly. "Seriously?" I was dumb-founded and laughed again- a dry, dark sound. "My punishment is to not come to school next week?"

He nodded.

"Hell yes!" I sighed standing. "No school is fine with me."

The man was a first class idiot, or at least the messed up education system made him appear to be. What kind of punishment was an entire week off from that teenage hell hole? There wasn't a person in those halls that would say a week of no classes, or cramped desks wasn't a nice retreat. And I really had no reason to come to school anyway. Most of the classes I didn't understand anyway, plus I had no friends to look forward to seeing. Well, there was Monte, but lately our friendship was a tad bit bumpy.

"Get out of my office." Mr. Stevenson demanded.

His ugly face was red again, and the purple vain on his wide forehead was protruding.

"Gladly." I grunted as I began to walk to the door.

"Your suspension is effective immediately. I want you off of school property in the next ten minuets." he added before I was completely out the door.

"Oh. . .lucky me." I said as I left.

The narrow halls of the school were barren when I went to my locker. Class was still in session, but it never failed there would always be the one kid out of class that looked at me awkwardly as I left the building with just my guitar case in hand and my back pack situated on my shoulders. I didn't care though, I was free from the beady-eyed stares and glances for at least a week.

~oOo~

I realized rather quickly that I wasn't sure what to do or where to go. If I went back to Monte's place, his parents would throw a fit about the suspension. And I couldn't go home, I didn't want to. All the memories were still too vivid in my mind to go back to that wretched house. I hadn't even seen or spoken to my mother since the ordeal. She was back home, but I just couldn't take it.

Before long, I found myself in the lower southeast part of L.A, just wondering down the gray sidewalk. Most of the shops and buildings were rundown or vaccant. I pictured the neighborhood I lived in, and imagined that it soon would resemble something like this. Broken. This part of town people shied away from, and for good reasons. No one wanted to be in a place like this when there was the glamorous, sparkling down town Los Angeles awaiting. But the longer I sauntered along he pathway I felt more and more like I belonged in the dreary, dim surroundings. My emotions mimicked the dusty, empty and gray scenery.

On the inside I was screaming and crying, even though all my tears had already been spilt. I felt so completely lost. The things thought in school had nothing whatsoever to do with real life. For the people that dealt with math or science everyday it was a little different, but that wasn't most people. Currently no school subject applied to my life. I was desperate for a class that could teach me how to deal with the accumulating emotions. What was the right way to deal with all of the grief and the hate?

The sky above me was slowly turning into a rich canvass of oranges and gold's as the sun sank deeply into the waves of the ocean. I had been walking through the slumbs all day, feeling as though no time had passed at all. Time was funny that way. Sometimes it passed too slowly like now, than other times it was so fast you couldn't keep up with it.

I wasn't exactly sure what time it was when I found myself back on the front steps of the Pittman residence, but it was late enough that his parents were already in bed. The back door was always locked weather someone was home or not, and I didn't have a key, so I hoped that Monte was still awake.

Before I raised my hand to knock, the door swung open.

"Where were you?" Monte asked.

His attempt to block the doorway was valiant but failed to stop my slender form from sliding around him.

"Out." I said flatly, dropping my guitar and backpack on the ground.

Monte shut the door behind me and moved to look at me.

"What?" I spat.

"I heard you got suspended."

My eyes narrowed. "Yeah, why do you care?" I maneuvered around him again and placed myself on the couch, in front of the TV-which was already on.

"Because obviously you don't!" he accused.

"You're right." I sneered. "I don't."

I brought my focus back to the television and Monte continued to stare at me. I wasn't in the mood to have this talk with him, nor would I ever be.

"And why is that?" he asked.

I ignored him. Like I said, I wasn't in the mood. Monte picked up the remote from the table and with the click of a button the screen turned black.

"Huh? Why is that Tommy?"

I clenched my teeth. "Why should I explain it to you? How could you possibly know how I feel?"

"I would if you just tell me!"

I shook my head. "No you wouldn't. . ."

"Tommy I want to help you." Monte's tone changed. "You won't even go see your mother for Christs sake!"

My blood was hot, and my hands started shaking. That was just my temper acting out. I had no intention of fighting Monte, but I was too fucked up to keep control.

"I can't go back to that house." I spat at him. "Even if she is there I can't go back!"

"Why?" Monte begged.

"Because I just can't! I don't expect you to understand. I honestly don't expect you to give a fuck either!"

"Tommy, please I want to help you." he voice got quieter.

I shook my head. "I don't want your help."

Had I not been blinded by my overwhelming emotions, I would have seen how much pain was in Monte's eyes. Here my best friend wanted to help me, and I didn't even care. My temper had me so flustered I couldn't see straight. My head was throbbing, and my eyes were stricken with tears by some putrid emotion that caused me so much pain it burned to breath.

Monte stood frozen in front of the blank, gray TV screen, unable to move or process what he was witnessing. His dark eyes followed me as I walked out the front door and I cold feel them on me. He watched me walk down the street, and when I was sure he couldn't see me anymore I fell to my knees and began to cry. There, in the silent blackness around me, when the only sound was that of my weak and heart broken sobs did I finally realize just how alone I really was.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: There ya go guys! I updated haha told ya I wasn't given up on anything! So make sure you leave me a review! And why don't you tell me what side of the line you are on while youre at it haha. **

***Thanks for the reviews from last chapter!***

**Love ya!**


	6. If Everyone Cared

**Tommy: **_(sitting on his side of the line, glaring at me.) _Why has it taken so long for you up date!

**Adam:**_ (sitting on the line.) _Calm down Glitter baby I'm sure she had a good reason for waiting about 3 months to update. . ._ (looks at me with a raised brow.)_

**Me: **_(bites bottom lip.) _Welll. . . .for starters i had a major case of writers block, then i went on vacation, then when i got back i had an idea for another story so i started working on it, then i started college and i've had a crap ton of homework but now i think i will be able to do regular updates. . . . _ (smiles Adam and Tommy's direction.)_

**_Adam: _**Told you she had a good reason!

**_Tommy: _**_(shakes his head)_I don't care. . .

**Adam:**_ (rolls eyes) _you're such a drama queen. . .

**Tommy:** _(glares at Adam.)_

**Me:** _(To the readers)_ Im gonna let those two sort this out and let you guys read the chapter!

* * *

><p><em>"If everyone cared and nobody cried<em>

_ If everyone loved and nobody lied _

_If everyone shared and swallowed their pride _

_Then we'd see the day when nobody died"_

Mrs. Hunt was about as hardcore Catholic as they came and due to my sexual preference it became obvious she didn't like me. Whether she knew for a fact that I was gay I really wasn't sure. I hadn't told anyone, especially my narrow minded principle. It seemed no matter where we were, she always stayed at least three to five feet away from me, as if my homosexual-ness would somehow rub off on her and she would be damned to Hell for all of eternity. The way I seen it she already was, but that was beside the point.

It only seemed natural that when I set foot in her brightly lit, musty smelling office, she pushed her chair back a little more. I did my best to ignore her childish behavior, and sat in one of the chairs placed in front of her desk.

Her strawberry blond hair was pulled back into a tightly wound bun, causing the skin on her forehead and eyebrows to stretch. The expression the hair due caused made her appear to be in a permanent state of shock.

Mrs. Hunt fidgeted in her desk chair a moment before finally saying something.

"What's the problem Mr. Lambert?" she pried with cold hazel eyes.

Luckily I had learnt to ignore her problems with me and was able to move on to the current situation without thinking she hated me.

"I thought there was a no bullying policy at this school." I stated.

She waited a second before responding. "Yes, do you have a problem with that?" she asked.

I shrugged. "No. But you might try actually in forcing it once in a while. I'm sure there are some kids who would appreciate it if you did."

"And who might this 'bully' you are speaking of be?" She air quoted the word bully with her boney fingers as if the thought of someone miss treating another kid was complete blasphemy.

"Steven Daniels." I noted.

Mrs. Hunt laughed humorlessly. "Mr. Daniels? I'll have you know that Steven is one to the best students this institution has. I don't see how Steven Daniels applies to our no bullying rule."

My eyes narrowed. "Well I don't see how his grades have anything to do with how he treats his peers.

The smirk on my principals' face turned from a smirk into a frown. "Do you have a problem Mr. Lambert, or are you here to tell me how to run my school?"

"Yes, Steven Daniels is my problem. In the past two weeks, he's hit me at least five times, and locked me in the janitors' closet!" I explained as calmly as my anger would allow.

It took a lot to make me mad, but this entire conversation was sparking a fire that would soon consume me.

"Then maybe you should stop _instigating _it." she spat.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the double meaning her words implied. What she said worked though. That shut me up- shut me down. Why I thought she would even consider trying to help was beyond me.

The empty, alone feeling drifted back into my body- extinguishing the small fire in me. Without another word I stood up and walked back out into the crowded halls. Class had let out for lunch, and students scrambled around me in a haze, trying to get to the lunch lines before anyone else. My talk with Mrs. Hunt made me lose my appetite, so I went out the quad and sat alone on top of one of the pic nic tables.

The sky over head was gray and a chilling breeze was blowing my thick locks of ginger hair out of my face. As I sat here I began to wonder if life was really worth everything I was going through. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't get beaten up or picked on. Now even the teachers seemed to be taking the kids side.

My watery eyes glanced at my wrist. The skin was so thin and translucent, it wouldn't take much to break through and slice the veins. With a sharp enough razor there wouldn't even be that much pain, and once my heart finally stopped, there wouldn't' be anything at all. How much could a human body bleed out before the heart gave up and quit pumping? It would take two long cuts up the arm instead of across; the bleeding would be more excessive that way, causing death to come quicker. . .

After a while I didn't want to think about death anymore. Nothing good would come from killing myself, except freedom from everything- which sounded more appealing then I wanted to admit.

"Why are you out here all alone?" A sudden sweet, familiar voice asked.

I turned, and there was Elizabeth, her big emerald eyes gazing at me, full of that compassion I thought was gone.

"What do you want?" I asked somewhat skeptical of here sudden interest in my life again.

The tone of my voice appeared to hurt her feelings slightly, but she placed her small frame next to me on the table. "Whats up with ya?" she asked lightly, ignoring my harsh tone. "I saw you coming out of Mrs. Hunt's office."

My brain wasn't able to process why the hell she was asking me all these questions, let alone speaking to me again. She sure didn't care what was up with me the last two years of school.

"Isn't someone expecting you?" I asked coldly.

"Stevens not here today. Now tell me what's going on with you." her voice wasn't pushy but she was stilly prying.

"I could ask you the same question." I scoffed.

"What do you mean?" Her thin eye brows pulled together.

I met her eye to eye when I spoke this time.

"For the last two years you've acted like I didn't even exist. High school started and for some reason I wasn't good enough to hang with anymore." I explained.

Elizabeth bit her bottom lip and focused her attention on something other than me. I could tell she was trying to deny what I'd said, but couldn't.

"That's not entirely true Adam." she said. "It's just with Steven it's . . . complicated."

"You still could have said something." I argued.

"Look, I'm sorry Adam. I really am."

From the look in her eyes I could tell she really was sorry, but I wasn't sure if an apology was enough. My best and only friend had ditched me to hang with the popular crowd, leaving me to finned for myself. Friends didn't do that to other friends. But with the way my life was currently, I was in desperate need of a someone to talk too. This might have been my only shot.

I sighed. "I believe you."

She smiled.

"Look, class starts in ten minutes. Why don't you stop by my house tonight and we can catch up on the last two years. You still remember where I live?"

She nodded. "Of course."

I smiled slightly. "Okay. I'll see you then I guess."

"Absolutely." she assured.

~oOo~

On my way home I couldn't help but to smile a little. Regaining my friendship with Izzy may not have solved all of my problems, but it sure made me feel better. Neil noticed right away the shift in my mood when I picked him up.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked.

My delighted composure seemed to upset him.

"Well for starters," I began "I didn't get hit in the face during gym. . ." _or beaten up at all._ I added in my head. ". . . and I talked to one of my old friends at lunch."

Neil shrugged, no longer interested and turned up the radio. Had I not been in an immensely better state of being, I would have fought about his choice of station. Rap was not music; it was just noise and words.

I was forced to go to a McDonalds drive up before I could make it home, simply because my idiot brother forgot to take money for lunch at a school, and he dramatically explained that he would die before we could make it home if he didn't eat something.

"Let me have a french fry." I demanded watching Neil shove half the cheese burger into his mouth.

He reached over to my side of the car with the red container filled with golden fries. I took a handful and Neil grunted.

"I thought you only wanted one fry!"

"You'll survive." I chuckled.

Neil frowned, and I just laughed. I was using every possible moment to enjoy this feeling I had gained ever since lunch. It almost felt odd to be somewhat happy again. I'd grown accustomed to feeling so shitty all the time, that happiness was unnatural.

But that feeling suddenly escaped me when I caught sight of the bright yellow Corvette parked in front of my house. That was Stevens's car. My heart started pounding and my face broke out in a nervous sweat.

What was he doing here?

I parked behind the Chevy sports car, and Neil didn't hesitate to remove himself from the front seat. The yellow paint on the other hand had me locked in a trance and I was un able to make my body move. All at once I felt worthless again.

In a dreamlike state, I shut off the engine and got out of the car. I couldn't shake the feeling that somewhere in the tall hedges, Steven was hiding, waiting to strike. If anything happened, at least I was close enough for my parents to my aid if it got bad.

Somehow, I made it to the front door and inside without any confrontation. I breathed a little easier and my heart beat returned to a normal rhythm when I was safe inside.

"Hey Adam!" Izzy's sweet voice echoed from down the hall.

Before I could comprehend who had spoken, a small body bounced into mine. The embrace was quick and heart felt.

"Sorry." she giggled and apology from almost knocking me down.

I smiled at her, realizing that she must have driven Stevens's car.

"Told ya I still remembered where you live." she teasingly bumped my elbow with hers.

"It's really good to see you Elizabeth." I said.

It'd been so long since the two of us had spoken, I wasn't sure if I should call her by her old nick name or not. She made as sour face, when I did use her full name. "Eww yuck. Don't call me that." she stuck out her tongue and added. "Izzy, remember?"

Mom came around the corner then, smiling. "She's been waiting on you."

I shrugged. "Neil didn't eat lunch at school again. I was forced to take him through a drive up before he died."

Izzy laughed. "He hasn't changed then?"

I chuckled. "Nope. Not at all."

We wondered our way to my room, and soon it was like we were thirteen again; laughing and joking. I hadn't felt this good for at least two years, and now that I was feeling it again, I didn't want it to end.

"Oh wow." Izzy laughed. "That was fun." she said thinking back to when we were younger. "I miss this." she sighed after a while.

"Me too. . ." I agreed. If only she knew how much I missed this.

There was a long pause and I feel a shift in the atmosphere. The change really wasn't uncomfortable, just different.

"What happened to us?" she asked, pulling absentmindedly at a loose thread on her blouse.

I shrugged. "We grew up. And high school happened. It's not as easy as being a kid."

Izzy shook her head. "I know that. What I mean was, _why_ did we let this between us?"

Our eyes met at that moment, and I thought I saw the beginnings of tears forming in her beautiful green irises.

"You got popular." I whispered. "I didn't. Everyone loves you. . .and then Steven. . ."

I stopped.

I didn't want to bring up Steven. Just the sound of his name made me cringe.

"Yeah . . .Steven.. . ."

I wasn't sure how to read her statement, it sounded odd to me. My room fell quiet again and I sighed.

"I guess I should tell you something before you decide we wanna be friends again."

The timing seemed weird, but I needed to officially tell someone. Izzy was the one I used to tell all my secrets to anyway, so it was only natural that I would come out to her first.

"What it is?"

"I . . . um. . . I'm gay."

She shrugged. "I know. It's cool. . ."

The look of complete and utter acceptance on her face and in her tone almost knocked me over in surprise, even though I knew almost everyone had already figured it out. I'd prepared for the worst, and gotten the easiest and calmest reaction. If only everyone was like that, then maybe I wouldn't be afraid of being me.

"You know?" I questioned, raising a brow.

She smiled. "Adam, you played dress up with me when we were kids, it's not that hard to figure out."

My cheeks turned a vivid pink and I bit my bottom lip. When she put it that way, it seemed as clear as night and day.

After that, our conversation was even stronger and opens with each other. It felt so good to have someone to talk to again. By the time nine thirty came around we were digging through old pictures of us from elementary school.

"I should probably get home." Izzy murmured glancing at the clock on my wall. "What are you doing tomorrow? I could come by again."

"Yeah!" That'd be great!" I said, probably too excited.

We both walked outside to the sports vehicle. The air was chilly, but the sky was clear.

"Well I'll see ya tomorrow." she assured with a smile.

"Cool."

I shut the car door for her, and watched her drive away feeling better than I had in a very long time.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: SOOOO SORRY its been forever! but i really have done all that i said in the disclaimer. . .leave me a review! _*prepares for hate comments about not updating in what seems like years*_**


End file.
